The Gratitude Rock
Are You a Manager or a Leader in Your Family?
I always get a rise in people when I share with them the following: paying for a college tuition is like robbing your child. I call it parental theft.
Managers are not the same as leaders, and when it comes to family dynamics this cannot be more true. And critical to the lifeblood of your family’s future success…
The fundamental difference between someone who managing a family versus someone who leads a family is that managers focus on protecting their children in hope of managing outcomes. Leaders, on the other hand, concentrate on preparing their children, thus fostering the creation of outcomes. A manager will, with good intention, make sure their children (and possibly grandchildren) get an education. A leader will begin working with the children at the earliest age possible to create experiences that prepare them to achieve their life’s mission. See the difference?
Okay, now you’re probably wondering what this difference really means in the real world. Why is it better to be a leader than a manager? How does this approach make for superior outcomes? First, let me be remind you that no one likes to be managed. Children who sense they are being managed are more likely to rebel and go against your ideas on how to succeed. They may further feel entitled to things that ultimately can sabotage their capacity to succeed on their own. For example, if your child assumes you will pay for everything while they are away at school, including those credit card bills each month during the semester, he or she may never truly understand the value of a dollar and what it takes to make money. Moreover, your attempts to manage their moves and outcomes can inhibit their creativity, curiosity, and passions—all of which are secret ingredients to finding one’s authentic purpose in life. (And then going after it!)
College tuition's are mighty expensive these days, so I understand the dilemma of wanting to help pay for a child’s schooling as much as possible. This is especially true for grandparents who want to (and are fiscally fit to) share their wealth by offering the means of getting a good education. Who can argue with that? But there’s a balance to be stuck. Regardless of who pays for the education, we must take advantage of the leadership opportunity to enrich our children’s appreciation for their education and to give them life skills that impact their ability to succeed beyond their formal education.
To assist with education expenses, I recommend creating matching incentive funds. For every $1 the child saves, the parents or even grandparents will put $5 toward the education fund. It’s also important for parents to take time visiting their children in the educational environment to further lend their support and help them understand the value of an education. Family leaders prepare future leaders. Remember, to just give the child money ignores the opportunity for teaching life principles that will make our children better prepared to be major contributors to the world.
